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This section is somewhat about us and features revisionist world history, various fabrications about the origen of our firm and certain "unprovable facts" about our founder along with other stories.


The Car Party

 

"It’s difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it."  -Upton Sinclair


 Business websites are probably not supposed to publicly get into controversial areas like politics and public affairs but we decided ignore reality and start up our own political party called:

 

                                 "The Car Party"

 

Some of our slogans are:

                            Make America Scottish Again!    

                                             Vegetarian Haggis in every pot!                              

                                                       Sheep are great! 

 

You can freely join the Car Party but before doing so, do something extra and read all about it.

 We were driven hard to found the car party because not enough Posidrive attention is being given to car enthusiasts by the shifty automatic hypocritical political airbags that undercoat our chassis and liter the highways and we are not going to be mufflered without loudly whining any longer.

The Car Party is not Liberal, Conservative or Libertarian. We are not Commies, Anarchists, Totalitarians, Trumpets, Whigs, Monarchists or Dictators ( except for 1934 Studebaker Dictators) either.

 We prefer to be thought of as Preservatives because we like to preserve things like old cars and also enjoy preserves of all kinds on our breakfast buns and sometimes we still like to peel out.

 Perhaps annoyed by the Car Parties accelerating popularity in meaningless polls,  the boring virtually brain dead self serving political parties that have been powered for far too long want to muffler or tire us up and essentially lock washer us down.  But before such a thing happens--

 Here is a list of our ever growing yet quite modest Preservative Party wants:

 

1. We demand that car manufacturers keep making quality parts for their models for 152 years.

2. We demand that all engines and transmissions on new cars continue to have dip sticks yet also demand that dip sticks not be allowed to drive cars.

3. We demand that computers no longer operate the throttle on new cars although the way some people drive this might be a good thing so we are open to negotiation on #3 but won't compromise until #1 and #2 go our way.

4. We demand that a healthy percentage of fast and beautiful cars be named after dogs.

 Such as:

A Ferrari Border Collie or a Mercedes Benz Dachshund or a Bentley Joe Cocker Spaniel or perhaps

a Rolls-Royce Siberian Phantom or an Aston Martin Mix.

5. We want chrome bumpers back.

6. We demand that car stereos look much like they did in the 1960's and 1970's with cool push buttons and knobs. Skip the digital distractions.

7. We demand that spare tire wheels be the same size as the road wheels.

8. We demand that no car part be priced higher than the value of the car after the car has depreciated for 10 years.

9. We demand that all aftermarket parts be made to the original quality or better than the original makers and that inferior quality parts can't be sold anywhere except inside the Kilauea volcano near the Hawaii Volcano Observatory with the exception that they can be sold to anyone we don't like.

10.  The Car Party likes lots of horsepower and lots of horses. Many wild horses live on the public lands that are owned by all US citizens. The U.S. Bureau of Land Management is a government entity long renowned for making very bad decisions because the people appointed to run it by various Presidents are usually sycophants that give a lot of money to Presidential campaigns so the donors will be appointed to powerful positions that allow them to promote policies that make them money.  This is called give a little and take a lot. The BLM does a roundup of wild horses that are living on our public lands using helicopters and fuel that are paid for by US taxpayers. This is a very bad thing to be doing with public funds. Herding horses with helicopters is just disgusting. No real cowboy would do that.

 

         photos of wild hoses being abused by ranchers                          photo os rachers using a helicopter to her wid horses

These beautiful horses that were once free to live and roam are now sold at auctions and mostly shipped to Mexico to be painfully and inhumanely slaughtered and the meat shipped to Europe or Asia as some people like to eat horses.  Without wild horses living freely on our public lands, free just to live and be horses, we are all diminished. We as a society gain nothing from slaughtering horses so why do it for the tax money subsidized money making benefit of a few?

The U.S. Bureau of Land Management or BLM has violated their own protocol of waiting until mid-August (after foaling season) to begin these horrible helicopter roundups. The BLM roundup last year resulted in the deaths of 21 horses due to dehydration and exhaustion. The BLM is moronically planning to do the same thing and thousands of horses and burros are slated for "removal" in California, Colorado, Oregon, Nevada, Wyoming and Utah all paid for with tax dollars. The USA and many states are going broke due to long term mismanagement and over spending yet spend tax payer money to abuse and kill wild horses living on our public lands. This situation is clearly stupid and the Car Party wants such policies stopped.


You actually can help stop this massacre of America’s wild horses.  Contact your U.S. Representatives and Senators and urge them to:

Call on the Interior Department and President Trump to halt the BLM's summer roundups and contact Senators and Congress representative to use their appropriation authority to strip funding for this abusive practice. Congress says they want to save money?  Oh yeah, surely they do? They should start by stripping funding for the BLM roundups.

Also support the S.A.F.E. Act to end the prospect of horse slaughter ever returning to our country and to stop the transport of our horses to slaughter in Mexico and Canada. Click here to take action now!

We are going to intensely question all potential political candidates that seek our highly coveted Car Party endorsement.  Candidates must directly answer the following questions without using blank or shifty stares.

A. Can you spell automobile?

B. Can you spell automobile backwards?

B.2  Define what selibomotua mean to the future of humanity.

B.3 Do you think most undecided voters are stupid, vapid or rabid?

C. How many cylinders does a Aston Martin DB4 have?

D. How many cylinders does a Jaguar XJ40 have?

E. How many cylinders does a Triumph TR7 have?

F. What is the sexual orientation of a Maserati Biturbo Spyder?

G. Should Maserati Biturbo's be allowed to get married and enjoy the same rights as cars without a turbo?

H.  Does the candidate support the Preservation of wild horses and burros or does the candidate support the roundup and slaughter of wild horses and burros?

To start a politically Preservative car party in your area, just get on with it.

 

Oilileaks

Our website will continue to publish any secret diplomatic cables we can obtain on how to stop engine oil and fluid leaks no matter which government agency threatens to stop us or listen to our phone calls.

Ok so truthfully no government agency has threatened us yet and they hopefully don't know we exist except when we file a tax form late or something. We surely don't have the notoriety of Wikileaks  but at least we do not have the Russians, the CIA, Gestapo or Scotland Yards of the world after us unless they want parts for their Aston Martin, Bentley or Rolls Royce spy cars and while we do sell silencers to anyone, they are a part of exhaust systems.

 

             Ancient Tales from the Book of Mac

 

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quidvis recte factum quamvis humile praeclaru

(whatsoever is rightly done, however humble, is noble)  

Attributed to the rightly done, ever humble yet not so noble Hephaestuscot MacClymondsvitzoupolous II around 800 B.C. 

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There have been questions about the existence of the Book of Mac and a monk by the name of Cheese almost since the Age of Jazz began. It is said that the fabled book was bound in Fleetwood and was rumoured to have been either secretly hidden or hidden secretly by monks of the Theolonious order in a small Scottish cave known to a few to have the perfect humidity for aging cheeses as well as having great acoustics for the playing of bagpipes. The location of the cave has never been revealed by the monks because they are ornery and just won't do it.  This said, the following story is to be found within the Book of Mac and revealed elsewhere should it ever surface in a legitimately recognized fashion. How we came to have these passages of the book is unknown even to us and we would not tell anyway. As some of the passages were illegible, we just made up the missing parts and added other stuff as we went along sort of like the Epic Tale of Gilgamesh and other great legends.

It is true enough but not completely so that according to scarcely known nor generally accepted ancient Greek lore that after sorting out a method and formula of wine making techniques and after a nice quantity was made, Hephaestuscot much too quickly consumed a great quantity of retsina wine while sitting near the shores of the Mediterranean Sea during a visit to the Island of Crete during which a violent sea storm suddenly came upon him.  Between gusts of drenching rain and billowing winds, Hephaestuscot MacClymondsvitzoupolous was enticed by the Greek party god Dionysus to sing a story that became the premise to the iconic fable of the Odyssey whilst his old pal and drinking buddy Homer quietly listened nearby.

In exchange for the free entertainment, Mac begged the gods of Olympus for a hot girlfriend with whom he could share his songs of travel quest and recipes for vegan souvlaki. Long were his prayers unanswered yet eventually the goddess Athena, perhaps tiring of his lonely and pathetic pleadings decided to kill him for a little bit of amusement. Assuming the form of a pure white panther, She descended from Olympus to the island of Crete and eventually moved towards her prey.  Athena’s unblinking eyes were a hypnotic yellow with swirling golden flecks within tiny whirlpools that surrounded deep black vertical slits of pupils. She might have gotten the idea for the eyes after reading the Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut yet no one knows for sure because Kurt had not made an appearance yet. The golden flecks swirling in her eyes reflected the light of the sun in a magical manner as She waited nearby until Mac walked past whilst on his way to the rocky cliffs to sing yet another passage of his songs of love.

Quietly and unseen, she followed. Reaching edge of the cliffs, Athena strode beside him and together they stood side by side at the cliffs edge. The beautiful beast and the song man were a sight to behold but no one saw them other than the gods in the heavens.  Mac finished singing his latest verses and slowly lowered his outstretched arms. Feeling something furry with the fingers of his left hand and with eyes wide shut he gently rubbed the big cats head. Athena found that she quite enjoyed his touch and decided then and there not to kill him. She granted his request for a girlfriend and knew that not just any girl would do for this man of love songs and nice fingers. Athena enjoying the guise of the panther turned away and disappeared into the tall grasses that grew behind the cliffs.  Long she searched. Long she hunted. Many days passed before she noticed a beautiful young girl bathing in a clear blue stream.  Long hair as black as night the girl had with eyes that seemed as deep a blue as the Mediterranean seas. The young maiden’s great beauty might have rivaled Athena’s own to a human eye and a jealous and vengeful goddess Athena was. The great panther of Athena crept slowly towards the stream while never taking her eyes off the girl in the waters. Perhaps she would strike the girl down and rip her to pieces or perhaps not. As the goddess gazed into the young maidens face she noticed a small scar that traveled down the girls left cheek, a minor but life saving imperfection that saved the girls life.

 Ride Around Anne-Oupolous felt a presence, a something that she had never experienced before. Looking towards the shore for what she did not yet know. After a time she saw the beautiful white panther calmly staring back at her. The golden flecked swirling eyes of the big cat transfixed her. The girls body could not move yet her long black hair twirled in the waters much like a fishtail. Time itself seemed to slow and perhaps it did as Chronos and Athena had a long relationship that we shan't speak about here. The panther goddess soon spoke using no sounds, her unblinking golden eyes never leaving the young girls blue eyes.  Athena then changed into a two tone Silver Cloud and flew back to Olympus. Somewhat stunned by the encounter with a magical being the  young girl swam towards the shore unsure of what had just happened. Her name was Ride Around Anne-Oupolous and she knew she was in love but with whom she did not yet know. She sat down and waited on the shore thinking about what had just transpired. She began drawing pictures in the sand of a man standing on a cliff with outstretched arms without kowing why she knew that find this guy she must.

 In the meanwhile back on the cliff, unbeknownst to MacClymondsvitzoupolous, Homer surreptitiously wrote down all the verses when his not so good friend was not looking which was often enough as Mac was falling down with drink at the time. This is likely where cliffs notes came from. The winds were wild with wonder that day with dark storm clouds twisting churning swirling and rapidly forming and just as rapidly deforming the many faces of the Greek gods as they peered down from high in the heavens.  The super beings were entranced from listening intently to Mac as he sang the story that many of them were involved in.

  Imagine if you will that MacClymondsvitzoupolous himself with his long locks of remaining hair blowing loosely in the winds was standing and literally hanging ten off the very edge of the sheer rock face cliff. This vision is surely what could have inspired modern day surfers to hang ten toes off the noses of their surfboards.

The waves below MacClymondsvitzoupolous were stirred to a boiling froth by the turbulent wind whipped seas that crashed like massive cymbals against the barnacle and almond encrusted rocks. Great amounts of sea spray from the turbulent waters was  flung into the air drenching the sheer rock face of the cliffs below his feet.  Mac spread his arms and reaching for the heavens,  sang the pilot version of the Odyssey for the great Gods of Greece.  Poseidon arose from the roiling seas and joyously slapped his scaly hands together as the end of each verse was punctuated in riotous harmony with massive thunderous lightning bolts thrown down from Olympus by an angry yet laughing Zeus. All of this stuff has been found painted on countless ancient Grecian vases that were stolen by early British and French looters, now known as explorers, and are now supposedly secreted in museum vaults so that modern day history is not, well, upset. Maybe Wikileaks will eventually reveal something meaningful about it all.

It is widely believed by some scholars with their own agendas that the famous winged and now headless statue of the Victory of Samothrace on view in the Louvre Museum in Paris was probably created from inspiration from Mac's inebriated performance on that now very ancient day. As Mac completed his wondrous tale and the storm and seas grew bored and eventually subsided, he fell asleep for sixteen days.  Homer spent the time leisurely ransacking the Mac's nearby Cretian vacation cave and found a rough draft of  MacClymondsvitzoupolous's epic poem of the Iliad that was written in some 15000 lines of dactylic hexameters that was not so well hidden.  Homer decided to run off to the Peloponnesus mountains and proclaimed both stories as his own once he figured out how to read and interpret 15000 lines of dactylic hexameters. 

        This was the first Home Run in unrecorded history. Truly it was.

Homer was a trusted friend that betrayed all that knew him sooner or later and some say that he was an ancestor of Brutus and Benedict Arnold but who really cares about that now? Not knowing about this theft, Hephaestuscot went back to  his workshop known as MacClymondsvitzoupolous Billions of Cart Parts & Tasty Vegan Treats Company that was located in the shadows of the Temple of MaCoupolis. The temple was renamed the Temple of Acropolis a few hundred years later.  He did not find out about Homer's theft of his tales for 47 years as news traveled slowly in those days as they only had fishing nets and no internets.  The two men never did get along well after Homer began getting rich selling selling papyrus copies of the Iliad and the Odyssey.

In an angry snit,  Hephaestuscot MacClymondsvitzoupolous II shortened his name to Scot MacClymondsvitz II and bid a not so fond farewell to the land and gods of the Greeks. He packed up his rare convertible special order 32 horse drawn Trojan cart with extra chrome down the sides and little nymphs painted on the hood and moved to an area then dominated by the ferocious, hard partying and heavily tattooed Celtic Tribes in a faraway land that would much later become the Czech Republic. On the way, he saw a girl walking down the dusty road eating peanuts and banging a large bronze gong. She was dirty and sweet as she was built like a car with a hubcap diamond star halo.  She was just the girl he was looking for.

Ride Around Anne-Oupolous heard the cart coming and as it came closer, she banged her gong,  turned around and there he was. The man that had been in her dreams since the panther that had turned into a Silver Cloud had changed her life was now driving down the winding road. MacClymondsvitzoupolous asked in song if she wanted to ride around as he was on his way to a faraway land. She looked over his ride, banged her gong and said. " Hey, let's get it on."

Scot then asked her what she wanted to be.

Says she, "Baby can't you see? I want to be famous a star on the Theater of Samothrace.

He says, "Movies have not been invented yet but baby, you can drive my cart.

 And maybe I'll love you as my prospects are good.

Working for peanuts is all very fine but I can show you a better time.

Says she, Listen babe I've got something to say.

I got no cart and it's breaking my heart but now I've found a driver and thats a start.

 And away they went and she became known through the lands as Ride Around Anne as all she wanted to do was ride around.

 Arriving somewhere in Europe, whilst a pre-Czech and not when selling cart parts, Scot lovingly concocted and brewed a delicious plum brandy called Slivovitz, named after his 44th son with Ride Around Anne-oupolous. A few hundred years later, the exact date is unclear as no one cared, the MacClymondsvitz clan gave away the recipe for Slivovitz and moved with the Celtic tribes migration west to the northern shores of an insignificant little island with mostly bad weather and again shortened their family name, this time to MacClymonds. As the northern parts of this little island had not yet been named by anyone that spoke his languages, the currant Laird of the MacClymonds clan proclaimed the land to be Scotland naming it after the long linage of Scotty's beginning with the mythical and  mystical founder of the family from the ancient days of yore and gore, the even more rightly done Hephaestuscotty MacClymondsvitzoupolous I, the inventor of the first independent suspension used for high speed 12 horse Chariot racing.

On the way to the future lands of Scotland, MacClymondsvitzoupolous wandered through the city states that much later became modern day Italy. So as not to attract undue attention whilst traveling in these Roman lands , he changed his name to I.  Scotticus.  While visiting Firenze, in the inner city square he came across a young struggling artist by the name of Leo da Vinci, a poor but somewhat talented street artist that was struggling with a conceptual image that he was trying to draw. The two chatted for a while about architecture, wine and various philosophical design questions of the day and after a few bottles of cheap red wine, agreed that all things should be solid, useful and beautiful.  A detailed observer, Leo looked deep into soul of Mac and drew a picture of a man within a circle with his arms outstretched. This drawing became known to a few as the  "MacClymondsvitzoupolous Man" , The name of the drawing was later changed to "Vitruvian Man"  by an unknown Roman that liked a guy called Vitruvius and this later name stuck through the ages even though plainly wrong to anyone in the square that day.

According to family legends that are based entirely on unverifiable hearsay, the famous circle of stones that are known these days as Stonehenge was actually designed and built by the MacClymondsvitzoupolous clan as they simply liked to build large structures from large stones to party and eat haggis with the Picts when the stars were in just the right places. A well known rune was sung in the ancient days by a family group of rock rollers that for several generations were responsible for moving the massive stones into position. This group was called the Rolling Rocks and arguments can be made that this band's name is surely where the term rock and roll must have originated. Their most well known song is loosely translated from ancient Celtic as " Everybody must get some Stones."

A descendant of MacClymondsvitzoupolous founded the first commercial distillery for Highland Malt Whiskey essentially for his own use although it is relatively true that he sold a few drams on a regular basis to local pubs and individuals like Robert the Bruce that never paid their bill completely and to this day there is nothing else on earth like a fine Highland Malt Whiskey other than a great Slivovitz Brandy unless someone brings out a bottle of nicely aged smooth Kentucky bourbon. The slogan inscribed on each malt whiskey cask was:

 "                               " Tis far better to drink it all now rather than later ."

The family never made much money from their distilleries as family members drank up the profits and thus unknowingly began one of the first great Scots traditions of drinking the profits before the English taxmen robbed them to further enrich the coffers of the English kings and queens.  A matriarch of the MacClymonds clan, Anne of Smooths whose nickname was Plaid thought that fierce and manly men with great hairy legs and knobbly knees would look even more fierce if they were to be dressed in skirts so she wove one for her husband to wear thus beginning yet another tradition, the wearing of the Scottish Plaid Kilt. 

In the olde days when the Scots were not trying to kill English tax collectors they were usually stealing each others horses which sometimes led to clan wars if the horse was especially handsome or winsome.  Kilt the noun was actually derived from the slaughter of many clans in Scotland that were mostly kilt in the tribal wars begun by the bloodiest of all the clans, the Campbell's of Soup County. The bloody Campbell clan began these wars because they could not obtain enough MacClymonds Highland Malt whiskey and had to make do with lousy and usually spoilt British grog. The British made some great cars but their grog always left them in a bad humor and they refreshed themselves by torturing the Scots when they could catch one. Thus the term "groggy" came to be when one was feeling out of sorts.  Whilst their fellow family members were better at brewing, drinking and carousing than doing the Braveheart fighting against the English kings, the MacClymonds clan traded their distillery for a massive wooden boat. The entire clan along with sixteen hundred fine dogs and a herd of cats of every known description sailed for what would eventually become the Americas as there can be only one Scotland.

 The clan arrived well before the infamous Italian fraud Columbus meandered over the Atlantic looking for gold for his Spanish masters wars and the clan supposedly had some fine parties with the blond and blue eyed Norse men and women that were exploring the frozen northern areas of the continent but this last bit cannot be documented. Thus the family does not celebrate Columbus Day and considers it an historical travesty and a day of infamy equal to December 7th because not everyone gets the day off.  Rumor still has it that several male members of the clan split off, changed their name to MacClymondsvitzoupolouson and stayed with the Norsewomen because blonds have more fun according to blonds and besides, the Norse were great skiers and have a cold and dry sense of humor.  According to unreliable Norse legends to this day there are MacClymondsvitzoupolouson's still living somewhere in the Norwegian mountains driving old SAAB Sonnets, Daf Variomatics and Volvo 122S cars but there have been no documented sightings of any of them for a very long time. 

As you might have garnered by now,  the MacClymonds automotive heritage and direct experience with wheeled vehicles extends over some 2900 years at the very least and the Scotty that works today for the firm carries on that tradition. Surely no other automotive business can or perhaps should be silly enough to make such a claim as we have already done so. Prior to 800 BC, scholars have so far been unable to verify much but are seeking access to certain Egyptian hieroglyphics, now in the Cairo Museum that were found behind a wall within a looted tomb somewhere near the ancient Valley of the Kings.  These glyphs supposedly describe in an inscribed section that was partially damaged by tomb robbers, a reference to a MacClymondsvitzoupolous-Amun-Ho-Tep riding in a chariot with his arm around a hot looking blue eyed brunet Norsewoman with long hair while being chased by a pack of three headed dogs with cats on their backs wearing rats for hats and this is a fact.

We claim all these stories to be true because anyone has long passed into duct that could reasonably remember otherwise and any evidence to the contrary has long since gone into the darkest of shadows. Besides, we would not believe contrary evidence anyway because we simply don't want to.

Some recently discovered archeological finds in Lebanon seems to show that a MacClymondsvitzoupolous branch of the family was involved in the making of olive oil some 2000 years ago. It seems that this MacClymondsvitzoupolous was sitting under an olive tree and a branch full of ripened olives fell on his head knocking him right out. As he lay unconscious, a trickle of olive oil that came from some crushed olives in the branches made it's way onto his lips. Awakening, the Mac awoke to the wonderful taste of fresh olive oil and knew he was onto something great. This land was inhabited by the Hattians at the time although it is not known if the MacClymonsvitzoupoulous clan were allied with the Hattians, an ancient tribe that inhabited these lands or the later Hittites. Little written language remains but it is known by unknown persons that the Mac Olive Oil Company was responsible for the export of olive oil to points around the Mediterranean Sea as earthen vessels with a motif of cats wearing hats have been found on the sea bottoms for many years.  So the Mac's could have been Hits but were most certainly the earliest Cats in the Hats.

All of these stories are ancient closely held family secrets that were never revealed until this or some other moment. 

 

 Rewriting historical events is usually advantageous to those doing the revising and with this long established tradition that was initiated in the stories above we with great relish reveal more exceedingly well varnished truths loosely mixed with general self serving falsehoods.

And so it is and was...

that since well before the year of 1776 our ancestral firms were engaged in fully as well as partially restoring, servicing, repairing and supplying parts for a vast range of vintage and current model British wheeled vehicles.

And so it still was

that whether on not we were considered to be patriots or traitors depended on which side of the Revolutionary War a person was standing and our ancestors were sort of standing with both sides depending on the weather.  Our founding fathers and mothers used to hang out with Thomas Paine talking long into the evenings about radical topics like freedom from speed limits. Some people have said that Paine based his highly inflammatory and revolutionary pamphlet "Common Sense" on those very conversations. The work has been described by the Pulitzer-winning historian Gordon S. Wood as "the most incendiary and popular pamphlet of the entire American revolutionary period". Thomas Paine pushed ideas for democracy against monarchy as well as for American independence from British rule. He did this without knowing how very messy democracy can be.

 Thus there are people that still think that British cars are sometimes a Paine but British car owners still stiffly wave the rules and their upper lips whenever they are able. 

Let it not be said that if truth were to be told there is not much truth but a little in our revisionist history to be imperfectly honest, rightly or wrongly, depending on how a person regards the situation,  namely that the British Redcoat regiments did look rather silly just standing still in neat rows whilst awaiting for a properly attired and trained army to fight against in the time honored manner of hand to hand combat until the last man remained standing.  This was was a stupid way to settle an argument but that was how such matters were done. The mostly conscript troops waited in the wide open fields, resplendent in their bright Red uniforms adorned with polished brass buttons while the Revolutionary marksmen shot them down from vantage points located behind trees in what was arguably the first occurrence of guerrilla warfare. These British soldiers were known as bonkers because they usually were walking down a street in England after leaving a pub and an enlistment agent hiding in the darkness would try to bonk them on the head. The unconscious and unfortunate lad would wake up with a headache on a ship far at sea and was in the service of the country henceforth like it or not. This sort or forced recruitment was not the best way to instill loyalty but the royal armies of the day were not much into volunteering in those days and wars had to be fought for the usual reasons.

A little known and perhaps unknown fact (we love unknown facts because we can do what we like with them until they become known and then they are semi- facts) of any era is that our firm "loaned" (essentially he drove off when we were not looking) to General George Washington one of our cars to battle the British Army regiments led at the time by General Cornwallis. Corwallis was a typical aristocrat and drank a lot ofg grog which made him quite groggy.  Contrary to some sleazy tabloids accounts of the times it was not our fault that General George on a frigid winters night perhaps after drinking a few too many bitters, attempted to drive across the Delaware River in our wagon which broke through the ice and sank like a stone. Almost a frozen stiff, George was quickly rescued by a small boat (well, the boat did not do much other than stay afloat) that was crewed by one of our ancestors attempting to get the keys to the wagon back. This is not the famous version commemorated by the painter Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze in 1851 that left the rescue guys off the canvas.  We never liked that painting much and we never got proper credit for the loan of the car. Nor did we get paid for the loss of it! John Adams mumbled something inspiring about patriotism and the Continental Congress eventually gave our ancestors some kind of worthless writ. Maybe the U.S. Treasury will make the writ good someday but after all this time maybe not.

Some 200 years afterwards in the summer months of 1976 the Sport and Classic Car Company and several years later, The Billions of Car Parts Company were pre-founded on the premise that all human beings can equally bring their cars to and purchase their spare parts from, well, us!  Once again we were ahead of our times so as to make mention. Our two firms are and have always been subsidiaries of a very serious and without the slightest bit of humor Texas based corporation (with a little "c") that has in addition to restoring British cars has recycled our waste oil, Freon, antifreeze, shipping boxes, paper, paper clips and just about anything we are able to. 

In very recent times, we applied to the Government (all of them) for a couple of billion bucks to "restructure". It seems that our firm has a few too many "toxic assets" (rusted out old cars that we paid too much for with currently unknown values) and derivatives (junk parts that fell off the toxic assets) and we will be more than happy to sell them to anyone. We pointed out to the government officials within earshot that just like the too big to fail Wall Street banks, we were also to big for our britches to fail but we have not as yet received a check yet are ever hopeful. 

Now that the US Supreme Court has ruled that Corporations, even little bitty ones like us have the same rights as human beings concerning political fundraising, we admit that we intend to buy as many politicians as we can afford. The problem is, most of them are valued much like toxic assets these days so how does one know how much to pay for a politician? Is a used politician worth more or less than a new one? Regardless, we intend to buy left and right handed politicians and also want the underhanded ones just to make sure. Once we have them in a pocket, our corporation might run for President.  We think this is how it works anyway but it is confusing thinking that invented constructs like business enterprises have some of the same rights as human beings.

Revising the past is so much fun, let's do a little bit more! 

So what was going on with the Canadians you wonder? ( If you weren't wondering or are now wondering why you weren't or why you should care one way or the other, this question might be answered somewhere else on the website. On the other hand, it might not be and if it is after all, the revelation may not actually be completely truthful.) We should submit a script for a TV show called Newly Found and Lost Land eh? 

Speaking of "eh". .

And so it really was with the Canadians that a certain pre-Texican,  once again one of our remote ancestors and a member of the clan of MacClymondsvitzoupolous, ran away from home as a young lad and stowed away on a Spanish galleon bound for the New World. 

Bob the Hairy MacClymondsvitzoupolous decided to change his name to Roberto MacClymondsvitzoupolous-Hamilcar-Gomez so he would not attract attention.  He was inspired partly by Hamilcar who was a 3rd-century BC Carthaginian general, the father of Hannibal and a dear friend of the MacClymondvitzsoupolous clan but the Spaniards at the time were interested mostly in torturing people and making them confess their sins so they could sincerely burn them alive at the stake and not feel too guilty about it during the Spanish Inquisition so the Spaniards did not closely inspect  MacClymondsvitzoupolous-Hamilcar's passport papers well enough to deny him passage or to justify the pleasure of torturing him and making him willingly confess his sins of which there were so many in those days. 

 It turns out that this particular MacClymondsvitzoupolous-Hamilcar had once or twice upon a time, a time when Texas was an independent nation beholden to none except to those it owed money, offered to trade a nice car for a pair of good hockey sticks and a couple of Canadian provinces like Saskatchewan and British Columbia.  Dutch traders got New York with some beads so why not a car for some land in the middle of nowhere?  Of course pretty much everywhere was no where then.  Sounds like a bad trade but cars were expensive and awfully scarce in those times as they hadn't quite figured out how to make rubber tires.  

According to hand written notes found in a dog chewed hand written vellum diary stuffed into a rotten old leather pouch with several bullet holes of varying calibers punched right through in a tight pattern as if shot by a firing squad that was found beneath John Wayne's body, still clutched in his right hand in the very ruins of the hallowed grounds of the Alamo and passed down through many generations and pawnshops ( the diary) revealed that this Texican just wanted a cool place to show off to his friends that had lots of snow and ice around to hang out upon occasion because it's HOT in these parts and you need a lot of ice for a cool ice tea which is after all the national drink of Texas aside from beer.

 Well somewhere in the deal making a Canadian Consortium led by a guy by the name of Chuck Canuck accepted the horses and four Maple saplings in trade as they wanted to ride around and make syrup.  They then decided to stick with instead sticking it to their British King and kept their land as well as the horses and maple saplings.  Now we hold no grudges against Canadians or anyone else above the Red River due to this very old transgression that has some doubtful merit of truth and that is a fact but every summer we still wonder about all that nice ice.  

 

Mexican food

Texas and Mexico have been married for hundreds of years but the MacClymonds clan did not venture south of the Rio Grande river in the ancient days because the Aztecs were in control and enjoyed eating fresh and still beating human hearts that were ripped from the chests of their unfortunate living captives. There is something about that culinary vision that was really bad for tourism and economic development in those days. Texans and Mexicans have fought wars and been friends for centuries and today it's just all mixed up and everyone with any appreciation of fine machinery loves and hates British cars anyway. 

So that is the short of it. The rest of our website is as serious as it gets. 

We are overwhelmingly serious and without the slightest bit of mirth as mandated by our Texas company charter as all things, especially high school football, big hair, drag racing and droughts are serious in Texas. We sincerely give our words that not one double or two single funny things amongst the many cold hard automotive facts will be found henceforth. 

12 Volt History.

Long ago, well before G3 cell phones or the internet had been invented or before much of anything commercially digital was available, our founder Scotty MacClymonds began his affection for fine automobiles and dogs as a small child riding around in his fathers cars, a much beloved 1956 Buick Special and later when the love faded, a 1959 Buick Invicta convertible.  Scotty's first car was a very well seasoned (really beat up) 1963 Austin Healey Sprite. This car was replaced a few years later by a fine 1966 Austin Healey 3000 BJ8 which he still owns and there has been a long succession of vintage British cars and Mercedes Benz in his stable thereafter.  He worked for Mercedes Benz and Lotus Cars between semesters whilst in college in the early seventies and developed an increasing interest for fine looking and driving cars. Thus the unusual marriage of British cars and classic Mercedes Benz in our service bays has a certain logic.

Scotty founded the Sport and Classic Car Company in the fall of 1976 as a full service and restoration shop. In 1982 he opened the British Car Parts Company division that with inspiration from the late physicist Carl Sagen, morphed into the Billions of Car Parts Company for over the counter and galaxy wide e-commerce automotive parts sales for Rolls-Royce, Bentley and many other British cars. 

 

An Unexpected Journey

Scotty survived a bout with polio during the epidemics in the 1950's and was very surprised to discover this quark of the fates as he awoke mostly paralyzed in an Iron Lung breathing machine when he was about one and a half years of age. His father had taken him to a local circus the night before and this was probably where Scotty and his "future pre-existing condition"  began a lifelong relationship.  Instead of the usual sports activities most young boys do he turned to interests more cerebral and contemplative in nature such as pondering the philosophical nuances of vintage British sports cars.  

Check out Iron Lungs and polio history here.

 http://americanhistory.si.edu/polio/howpolio/iro.htm

The polio virus is thought by many to be eradicated and gone these days but polio is still killing and paralyzing people, mostly small children that live in Syria, Pakistan, Nigeria and Afghanistan. Regretfully the Taliban thinks that polio vaccination is a CIA plot to sterilize Muslims. Taliban gunmen have murdered a number of health workers in Pakistan.

The World Health Organization has declared the spread of polio an international public health emergency and identified Pakistan, Syria and Cameroon as having allowed the virus to spread beyond their borders. It recommended that those three governments require citizens to obtain a certificate proving they have been vaccinated for polio before traveling abroad.

 Here is an example of how stupid and uncaring a government can be about the health of their own people:

Pakistani Health Minister Saira Afzal Tarar says the WHO restrictions will be a "heavy burden"  but Pakistan is implementing emergency measures to comply.

Pakistan, one of the poorest countries on the planet has the money to build nuclear bombs but spending funds to prevent their children from being paralyzed by polio is a burden.

The Bill Gates Foundation the Rotary Club have taken on the task of completing the eradication worldwide of polio and we say get it done and thanks a lot. 

Scotty's almost lifelong goal ( since 1.5 years old ) has been to rid this world of stairs and re-educate architects and designers that ignore accessibility in their creations and in whatever small ways possible help make this world more accessible for all people. Scotty produced and hosted Access This!  The Disability Radio Show for four years and the show was awarded the 2005 Barbara Jordan Media Award for featuring a variety of people with disabilities speaking about their lives and how they deal with a disability. The award was based on Scotty's work with the Veterans Administration on a series of radio shows illuminating the plight of returning wounded war veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars with analysis of the historical and social aspects of physically and mentally wounded combat soldiers that returned home from the American Civil War and wars hence. Scotty also did a series of shows on Atomic Veterans.

We believe that the cost of all wars USA is involved with should be paid in full with a war tax and war bonds with no hidden costs like was done during World War II  so that all citizens are participants finacially and and no injured soldier should get short shrift due to budget manipulating. If wars have to be fought then we as a nation should all have to pay for whatever it takes to decisively win them and to provide quality care for as long as they live for those that have fallen or were injured fighting in them.  

Scotty's radio show featured music from players like Dr. John, CCR, Django Reinhardt, Chopin, Duke Ellington, Leslie West, Les Paul, Iron Butterfly, Patty Larkin, The Chieftains, Vladimir Horowitz and more. Prominent doctors from the private fields, the VA and various experts spoke about what's happening in the medical world on a featured physical or mental disability or perhaps about research into stem cells or the sexuality of people with spinal cord injuries.  Scotty was a speaker on a Nightline episode focusing on Hurricane Katrina with Ted Koppel questioning experts about how effective rapid response will be for evacuating people with disabilities from disaster areas when our US government policy emphasis cutting funding for all social programs for people that need help such as veterans with disabilities. Military veterans and experts explained what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is, what happened to the veterans and how our government is helping or not. Attorney guests explained ADA issues and legal remedies. Politicians make remarks about laws that directly affect people with disabilities. Scotty was appointed to the Houston Mayors Commission on Disabilities in 2006.  Disability issues are the same issues that face anyone that lives long enough to get old enough and can happen to anyone at anytime as life is full of enough surprises. After all, who knows when someone will drop a Rolls-Royce engine on your foot and you will forevermore have a pre-existing condition?